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Self Evaluation


1. I am having some feeling that I am tending to enjoy the calmness rather than having a fire to progress spiritually. It was like taking rest. I am not contemplating on the feelings. This is resulting in poor dairy writing on a daily basis. I am only noting down the general condition. I could identify this only over a period of time. Why am I not able to identify this immediately is a question that comes up in me.
Peace, quiet, calmness are all divine blessings and your attitude that you are enjoying them and that you need to go further through the Fire (perhaps you mean aspiration) is only being ungrateful for the blessing. You do not get things you imagine as right or proper. The path is well laid and you need to understand it better and that is possible only by serious study of the literature. If you are not writing diary properly it is because your laziness and also due to not finding anything exciting (which is sought for). Read more about diary writing.

2. I have not submitted my dairy for the last 4 months. I submit my apology and I seek your pardon for this big lapse. I will not allow this big lapse to recur. Whatever maybe the problems I faced in the last 4 months, there is NO excuse for this lapse. Whether you send the reports or not I request you to attend to sadhana properly and write your diary regularly. The feelings were subtle and I procrastinated in reviewing them, for I thought there is not much to observe. I apologize for this thinking and the delay thereof in sending the report. When I did review, I found a pattern that a particular band of feeling stayed prominent for some time and gradually shift is observed to a different feeling. Please guide where appropriate.
You have realized your mistake and perhaps there is no need for any observation on this point. But one point I would like to bring to your notice is that progress is a continuous feature of sadhana and by consciously observing the same we give it a greater impetus. The change may appear very little and many times insignificant but if recorded honestly, at a later date when reviewed give more meaning to the sadhana itself.

3. I am trying to be tolerant to the situations by diverting my mind on Master’s sayings.
I do not think that that is the way. If the nature of the problems that challenge your peace is not mentioned this type of sentence would mean nothing but waste of time.

4. After completing the Self evaluation tool, have come to see many deficiencies that I was unaware of earlier. At the end of the assessment, I feel I have been very optimistic in my evaluation.
Leave the habit of judging yourself and others.

5. Dear Sir, I am sorry that this is a long report and a much delayed one. Please forgive me. I shall try to send more frequently going forward. I don'thave the courage to write to you but with the push from our Trainers, I have finally finished writing my first report. Please let me know if you need the report in any specific format.
It is all fine. I should be happy to hear monthly about your meditations, purification sessions and prayers and also how you comply with the commandments in precise terms. You can talk to Trainer on this. As for the format I have not thought of any so far and may be the institute may come forward with some suggestion in this regard. Some how it appears it is my misfortune that persons are afraid of me and lack courage as you say to write to me, though I welcome all so long as proper etiquette is maintained.

6. What could you tell me about my condition?
Unless I have some details about your mediation practices and cleaning practices including Prayers it is difficult to say anything more than that you are under the guidance of a good woman trainer in sister Trainer. I have seen your mail to her and would ask you to wait for the Pranahuti offered by her to percolate into your system. Patience and perseverance are the true means in sadhana. When the condition that is given during sitting or felt after some time gets absorbed in the system there will be no feeling. That is the meaning of having absorbed the condition. In any learning process there will be a Plateau and certain upward movement. Unless earlier condition is fully assimilated there cannot be any further feelings inspite of any sitting. But the sitting would enable us to absorb/assimilate the condition. Hope I am clear.

7. For the past four or five months I have not sent my report and I am ashamed to even apologize. I seek Master’s mercy for not keeping up my word. I don’t know why I have developed so many inhibitions in writing to you, the main causes being irregularity and sloth in Sadhana. Whenever I think of writing to you I tend to over think so as to not to write anything silly and in the process, I always skip the writing itself. I also get thoughts like I am always writing the same things to you and I feel that I am disturbing you and fear for criticism. I apologize for the same.
If one were to be perfect at the beginning itself what is the need for sadhana. Is it not true that we form a fraternity where mutual guidance is the way of life? Avoid unfounded fears.

8. I did not maintain diary properly for past few months and hence felt ashamed to send the sadhana summary. I am determined now to read and note down everything as per instructions in the diary.
For one who is busy with house hold work it may not be possible to maintain diary on a day to day basis many times. You may instead keep notes by week or fortnight. The main idea is to focus on the already made determination/s.

9. Before morning meditation, I pray & do point B meditation. Occasionally, I get some thoughts of concern about others.
How long you pray and what thoughts arise at that time and what thoughts are there after the meditation are to be noted. Then we can make sensible conclusions.

10. This guidance of yours shook me up and your words had very good effect in my sadhana and in meditation particularly. Practically your words exposed the mistakes I make day in day out. Overall, I concentrated on obedience to Rev Master. Every single time I sat for sadhana, I bowed my head and did my sadhana as given by Rev Master with full heart. I just wrote in dairy what I felt.
You should write what you feel. No doubt about that. What is pointed as not proper. Do not react but contemplate the matter carefully.

11. I do not have any problems in life. I have realized that most of the problems are actually not problems, but my holdings only. Holding of thoughts as events unfold on it’s own. I am feeling light from heart to head and I am submitting to Rev Master all my thought patterns. Thought pattern has become light. In effect I am trying to implement whatever I am reading in the books in a natural way.
I am very happy to hear this. Keep company with the Master and everything falls in line.

12. We are very sorry, as we have little things to express right now, but it seems that we can feel something from the sittings we receive from you only during the next hours, as if they were so subtle that we could feel only the effects and we do feel them.
You are sufficiently sensitive. To think only when we are excited we are sensitive is not proper. Excitement is not all that welcome in real spirituality. Balance, calmness, quiet and silence are the feelings that really reflect our spiritual status.

13. I will continue to report what I feel and experience, so that you can provide any feedback. I can't invent conditions which I do not perceive, i.e. which are not there.
If one is asked to see through the microscope an organism the student has to see that way only and not what his attention takes him to. Perceptions and experiences we have needs to be corroborated what the forerunners in the path have stated. We should not invent conditions and no sincere seeker does that. If you do not perceive certain conditions it is a problem of your sensitivity.

14. According to my practice I meditate every morning at least one hour. Point A and B automatic react on suggestions. Afterward it often continue in Atman. Often I feel small reaction in the pind desh and small reflection of being in the para brahmand mandal and beyond. I often feel empty in my mind as a blank mirror without thoughts but stillness and conscious being. Where small waves of reaction can come up as impression.
Please take my observations now as plain and straight forward statements and I have no intentions to hurt you. The meditation on point B is only for 10 or atmost 15 minutes before the start of morning meditation. To say that it is automatic reaction is not proper. At no point of time Rev. Babuji suggested us to meditate on the Atman. We are supposed to meditate on the divine light without luminosity in the heart where it beats. (read Master in Efficacy of Rajayoga etc.,) Pind desh is a word that covers the entire 5 knots in the chest region. Each knot has a function and a characteristic and to put the whole region as one is not proper. I wonder whether you have gone through our site where a free self evaluation tool for assessing progress in Pind desh is provided. It may be a good idea for you to do that.

15. Clarifications on Pind desh tool: a) Austerity and Penance: Penance I do not know how to practice it.
We practice austerity by reducing wants and penance on occasions by fasting.

b) Compassion: Really I need help in this aspect
Compassion in the real sense develops when we see the Master in all and this is state of consciousness. However we practice to be kind to all as far as possible.

c) Accepting everything as a gift of Divine: I need much more evolution in this respect
True it is that most of us find it difficult to accept the situations. But there is need to change the attitude as nothing happens without a cause and we must have contributed to it knowingly or unknowingly. Accepting as gifts depends on our acceptance of the situation as a lesson.

d) Gourmet: Really I need some explanation about this pitfall.
Not much of a difficulty. Eating too much can be bad for health also. It is stated that a true seeker has only one full meal a day.

e) Constant Remembrance: This aspect is still low; I need help.
This is not just a practice but a condition. Once condition is there we feel any and all of our practice not upto the mark.

f) Feeling of luminosity: Only during meditations and sittings; help me please.
If you observe yourself during sleep time or when you close your eyes there is a luminosity which is not all that bright.

g) Mercy: I do not have mercy with small animals, Cockroaches, mosquitoes
True. We need not annihilate anything. We have other more ecological aides.

h) Non dual experience: Sorry. I donot know what it means
This is a matter of experience during meditation when the observer is not there nor the observed. There is simple awareness.

i) Crossing the barriers of being: When awareness is also lost during meditation we enter into this phase. j) Entertaining more than one as important in sadhana: Please, this means have only one guide?
One Master, one method that is the way

k) Imagining Divine will entertaining doership: I am not sure what this means.
This is a process in mind when a thought or action arises we tend to think that though we know it is only our will we think it to be divine will.

l) Ignorance is Bliss: I know this but intellectually.
When we come to a state where we are totally absorbed in the thought of the Masterthat the thought itself becomes absent there is still a happiness better termed as Bliss. This is a state in the 5th Knot.

More on Self Evaluation:

1. The general condition you report should be naturally brief. You must start your report with meditation and next about evening cleaning and then about 9 p.m. prayer and then lastly about the bed time prayer.

2. You are mentioning only about the meditations and there is nothing reported about the cleaning process or the prayers. The reports show the concern for your selves rather than sadhana or even Master for that matter. You may furnish reports in such a manner that there is a summary of the conditions rather than date wise your meditations which really have not communicated anything to me. How you feel during meditation and after meditation and how you feel after cleaning and what was the intensity of prayer are some indicators to study the condition.

3. It is necessary that the abhyasis are asked to maintain the diary; whether they do it or not is their wisdom.

4. You should try to understand the system. You are to write what type of thoughts that arise rather than saying you get thoughts. If you do not get thoughts what else would you get - stones? Read Masters messages clearly and also try to understand what we write in Bodhayanti Parasparam.

5. You have not as a matter of fact furnished any thing about your condition except the feeling of gratefulness. That itself is a big gift. Unless we have a glimpse of the planes in which your mind dwells it is not possible to evaluate properly the condition. It is important to know the shades of difference between the various types of feelings.

6. You are developing sensitivity and that is a good sign. Submissive state will not permit you to think of other issues to do. Try keeping single pointed orientation on your goal and be attentive to the thoughts that emerge. These thoughts you will note will not be yours but they emerge.

7. You are mentioning only about the meditations and there is nothing reported about the cleaning process or the prayers. The reports show the concern for your selves rather than sadhana or even Master for that matter. You may furnish reports in such a manner that there is a summary of the conditions rather than date wise your meditations which really have not communicated anything to me. How you feel during meditation and after meditation and how you feel after cleaning and what was the intensity of prayer are some indicators to study the condition.

8. I have gone through the report and I thought that I should clarify certain details. a) Any report has meaning only when it reports something. I cannot make any sense of it if your report is too sketchy and evasive. b) When the meditation starts and ends is very important information. The duration also is important. The regularity of timings are also important. Does your meditation start with point B? If so how steady is the thought and the attraction of the Divine? These things tell us about your viveka. c) What are your thoughts on various messages of the Master during the month? That reveals in a nut shell your shell of Vijnana. d) This month of Feb. started with Basanth. How was your orientation to the Master and how the messages of several speakers were understood forms an integral aspect of your Manomaya kosa. e) How steady and regular were your 9 p.m.prayers and how were your prayers before going to bed.

9. Evaluation of any matter is a must; in spirituality also it can be either self evaluation or others evaluation. Finally one needs to evaluate; otherwise quo-vadis will ever remain. May you practice the natural path more assiduously and as for the questions you wrote you are not the first one to write them. To ask questions is the path of the enquirers and to obtain answers is the path of seekers. Try the tools of self evaluation made available in the web site